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I don’t know where I come up with these things. I told the Huffington Post that I plan to make my own wedding invites because “I recently got into stenciling.” Let me clarify, I’m Banksy. Just kidding. I’m not cool.

By “I recently go into stenciling,” I meant a couple of weeks ago I had the bright, time-sucking idea to make my own stencil for my Save the Dates, which according to the WICs elaborate stationery checklist are a must-have. However, as I was encouraging future arthritis by making meticulous cuts in mylar with an Xacto knife, I realized two things: 1) everyone who’s coming pretty much already knows my wedding date because I talk to these people regularly, and 2) STDs (and holy shit, I literally just acronym’d that while typing and LOLZOMFGROFL) are designed for long engagements. Let me repeat: STDs are for long engagements. (This stuff really does write itself…)

Anyway, I’ve got a six now five-month engagement. In WIC-world that’s about two days. So basically, if I were to send STDs (lol) to people now, they’d be getting their invites, like, two weeks later. Really, that kind of defeats the purpose, right?

And one would think stationers would also realize this, however, when I went in to talk to one, they were adement about how quickly I needed to move, as if STDs were a dire medical emergency. (This acronym keeps getting more and more appropriate.) While the best prevention is abstinence (i.e., never choosing to have a wedding), if you do decide to do it, make sure you’re adequately protected. Knowing what you need opposed to what the WIC thinks you need is essential to practicing safe wedding.

And unfortunately for my leisure time, I made the public decision to choose to want to make my own invites because “I recently got into stenciling.” And I got into stenciling when I found out the only stationers invites I really liked were letterpress, which makes them thousands of dollars. Sigh…

Alas, I might as well reveal the proverbial fruits of my very real labor. While I’ll make sure to keep you updated on the end result of my hand-stenciled invites, in the meantime, here’s the result of my would-be STD stencil, which I’ve chosen not to give to people. (Best. Wedding. Acronym. Ever.)

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Necessary materials: Xacto knife, cutting board, thin sheet of plastic, spray paint. And a straight edge helps immensely, but isn’t necessary.

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Step 1: Find a font that works for stenciling (the blockier the easier), print it out, tape your plastic sheet over it and trace it with your Xacto knife.

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Step 2: Remove the stencil and tape it to a sheet of paper (or card stock or a dumpster, whatever) and spray paint the shit out of it. Note: make sure it’s affixed as tightly as possible to the paper (or dumpster) otherwise the edge will bleed.

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Do you see how some of my edged bled? I didn’t tape it so well. But, you get the basic idea.

As noted, this was more or less just an experiment and I never got around to stenciling on any sort of background or card stock, so use you imagination on that. We’ll see if I improve on the invites or if I pass out from the paint fumes first. I should probably warn you spray paint is no joke. Instead of doing this on your dining room table like I did because I’m an idiot, it’s probably best to do this outdoors. Three cheers for global warming, ’cause it’s apparently gonna be in the high 60s in DC this weekend. Yay?

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