wonkaBefore I continue pointing out the ludicrousness of wedding industry, I have to address my own ludicrousness, which, trust me, I recognize every time I even think about wedding planning.

And unfortunately, my ludicrousness is less this and more of me seemingly being a huge hypocrite. And not just because this self-appointed anti-WIC bride is wearing an über-traditional diamond engagement ring (or the fact that I even have an engagement ring—this article insightfully pwns our culture). I mean, more like, here I am, dedicating a whole blog to judging the wedding industry precisely because I perceive it to be judging me. Basically, it’s one big huge judgey bitchfest convention over here. And you know what they say, right? An eye for an eye leaves us all wearing bedazzled wedding-friendly eye patches. Or something like that…

The real irony is that this wedding blogger never wanted a wedding. Especially a big wedding where I had to worry about pleasing 100-plus people. (By the way, according to the wedding industry, around 100 guests is not even considered a big wedding…) As an adult, I always imagined I would elope, somewhere abroad, in a romantic fit of passion. (An amicable divorce would probably follow.) I never imagined myself spending hours hand-making my invites (yeah, I know…) or worrying whether my centerpiece vision will come to life. (And holy shit, I have a “centerpiece vision?!”) But alas, here I am. It took a bit of “I promise it won’t be horrible” from my significant other to convince me a wedding was a good idea when we first decided to get married, and, well, he’s a lawyer, so he’s good at talking.

While I’m now convinced that a wedding won’t be horrible, I’m equally convinced that in won’t be perfect. I’m very aware that I grew up in America, where little girls are encouraged to dream about their big, special, perfect day.

That is bullshit.

Even if you get the planner and do everything by the wedding checklist, you will not have a perfect day. Someone’s food will be cold; someone will be seated too close the speaker; a record will skip (literally and maybe proverbially); someone’s drunk uncle will sexually harass someone. Shit happens. Even at weddings. Actually, probably especially at weddings…

Really, once you start thinking about it, it seems pretty disingenuous of the wedding industry to promise perfection if you follow a set of expensive steps. And that’s one of the biggest reasons why I started this blog. Here’s the thing: I realize I won’t single-handedly change the wedding industry. That’s not my goal. That monster is what it is. But, if I can help make this awful industry a little more self-aware, while simultaneously keeping my own head on straight (as noted, it’s easy to get lost some picturesque fantasy—even an “indie-DIY” fantasy when you’re a woman in America), then that’s great. When you have roughly $25K on the line (the average cost of a wedding in the States these days), I don’t want to be making decisions willy-nilly.

That said, read at your own risk. If I offend anyone, think about it like this: it’s not you; it’s not me; it’s the industry.

Now that I got that out of the way, rest assured, these kinds of existential inward-looking “who am I?” type of masturbatory nonsense posts will be rare. In fact, next up is another list of awesome non-wedding wedding dresses. Stay tuned. (Please.)