The punctuation error in this someecard makes it only a little less funny.

There are a lot of wedding traditions that I find abhorrent. Newlyweds shoving cake in each other’s faces is right up there. Perhaps this trifling tradition started from an honest place when a bride and/or groom felt a real spontaneous moment of silliness, but the fact that this idiotic event is now to be expected, makes it just…messy.

Really, there’s nothing worse than forced fun. And there’s no such thing as planned spontaneity.

But that’s not the only reason why my fiance and I have decided to forgo the traditional wedding cake. Mainly, we’re just not that into cake.

Surprisingly, this didn’t phase our caterer at all, who is actually probably more excited about this news because we’re now going to be purchasing a whole array of desserts from them, which, fuck yes, costs less than buying a ridiculously sized cake to feed 100-plus people. I’m welcome.

And hopefully our guests will be pleased, as well. We’re looking at having a total of three different options, a favorite of mine, a favorite of my fiance’s and probably a more healthy, fruit-based option for those who don’t have a huge sweet tooth. (I don’t get it either…)

Well, this was a boring post, I suppose, so I’ll leave you with something more exciting than my thoughts about my particular wedding pastries (or lack thereof). Instead, look at this ridiculous, but kinda awesome still, wedding cake, that I would consider having at my reception if 1) I got married when I was still a teenager; or 2) it was donated to my wedding for free. (Hey, I may not prefer cake to other desserts, but I’m not idiot.)

“Now you’re playing baking with power. Super power.”