Ever since the market crashed, extremely rich people have been under a lot of scrutiny. Even Scrooge McDuck has been critiqued for his extremely poor decision to swim laps in a vault full of coins. Yes, it seems the über-rich have terrible judgement. And if the physics of Scrooge’s life-threatening cardio decision isn’t enough to convince you, perhaps this will (via The Huffington Post): This is so tacky in so many ways that I don’t even know where to start. I guess, because of the Scrooge money pit thing, let’s just begin with the danger. Putting inedible things in food that’s supposed to be edible just sounds like a recipe—literally—for disaster. Hell, I barely even want to wear a diamond, let alone eat one. Hey, guess what, guests? Your wedding favor is bleeding bowels. You’re welcome!
Then let’s talk about aesthetics. Look at this fucking disaster. Two words: amateur hour. I don’t know, folks, for $52 million, I’d expect the damn thing to stand up straight. This cake has more wobble than a Big Freedia video. Also, *ahem* where are all the diamonds? Weren’t we promised 4,000? Did they bake them in the cake? Because I was kinda joking about the bleeding bowels wedding favor thing, but, um, maybe I shouldn’t have. Oy.
Lastly, let’s talk about price. Not that $52 million could save the world (this sum, for example, would only buy you about one-fifth of the most expensive painting ever sold, Paul Cézanne’s The Card Players), but still—IT’S FIFTY-TWO-MILLION DOLLARS. Do something more useful or at least more interesting with it than purchase what seems to be an inedible, crooked pastry.
Alas, the only slightly relieving part of this story is that I’ve been misleading you through tricky, bloggy hyperbole. It wasn’t a real-life Scrooge McCake who purchased this leaning tower of pastry; it was made as a publicity stunt for a wedding industry convention in England. (UNICORN BARF TO THE MAX!)
At the same time, however, I’m not totally off base. Even if I alluded to a mythical person to prove a point here, it’s a proven fact that super rich people still sometimes make very ill-advised decisions when it come to
life wedding cakes. Case closed.