I’m going to admit something very anti-anti-wedding right now: I thought about my own wedding before I was engaged. I thought about my own wedding before I met my fiance. I thought about my wedding despite that I didn’t really want one. I thought about my own wedding before I was even interested in boys. Yes, underneath my stone-cold anti-wedding-establishment bitch of a veneer, weaving its way through my blood and guts is the fact that I grew up a female in America.

Girls in America are programmed to think about their future weddings, regardless of whether they’re dreaming of small city hall shindigs, exotic elopements or the unicorn-barf-covered galas that make the rest of us want to human vomit. I’ll even go so far as to hypothesize that not thinking about your wedding as an American females is like not thinking about your next meal as my 22-pound cat.

#datass

#datass

And so when I read stories about single ladies starting wedding-centric Pinterest boards or reading wedding blogs (hey, girl) or sketching out possible dress ideas (DON’T ACT LIKE YOU HAVEN’T DONE THAT), it’s like, “And, so what?”

It’s OK to daydream about silly stuff. (I sometimes dream opening a smoothie truck called Associated Smoothie Solutions.) What’s not OK, though, is to obsess about things. (For instance, I’m not ignoring everything else in my life to think about my future A.S.S. truck.)

So, when I came across a New York Times article called Married to the Plan. Still Looking for a Possible GroomI was a bit grossed out.

While it’s no surprise to realize the majority of American females have thought about their weddings—although not necessarily the meaning of marriage—at some point during their single existences, I was alarmed to learn there are a few single ladies out there actively planning their weddings. And let me be perfectly clear: day-dreaming about tentative plans regarding what you might want is fine; calling wedding planners and paying money for anything before you even have someone to marry is called OCD.

Trust me. It takes one to know one. And sure, maybe my mental problems are more classic (I fear germs mostly), the medical industry doesn’t sit there and enable me. In fact, the literature I’ve received from medical industry professionals suggests you need exposure to dirt and germs to build up your immune system.

So, why does the wedding industry think it’s OK to toy with the mental issues of wedding-obsessed non-brides? Check this out, from the aforementioned New York Times article:

By being obsessed with your fantasy wedding, it gives you hope that you are going to find your dream guy,” said Tatiana Byron, the owner of the Wedding Salon, a company that runs wedding trade shows.

And now I’m embarrassed to be a girl. First of all “dream guy?” That phrase was lifted straight out of a Saved by the Bell episode, amirite? Second of all, I think it’s no coincidence that some idiotic statement like that comes from someone firmly implanted in the sphicter of the American wedding industry.

Between its lines, this article explains all that is bad with the current iteration of the American wedding industry. Instead of discouraging women from concentrating on THINGS THAT MATTER (like, finding an actual healthy relationship instead of fantasizing about one that doesn’t exist?), the industry seems to be courting these ladies and their OCD tendencies. In one instance in the article, one of the ladies even found a wedding planner who agreed to meet with her. WTF is that?! Don’t enable this woman!

Like, that’s a significant problem. That’d be like a doctor telling me to, “Yes, build a gigantic plastic bubble and never come out of it. You’ll be fine. This is a totally rational thing for you to do.”

Gah. Am I overreacting here or is the wedding industry seriously that gross?

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