So, I’m not sure how many of you read Real Simple. I certainly don’t because I tend to unintentionally prefer to keep things Real Motherfucking Complicated (you read my wedding invite saga, right?), but when my aunt forwarded me this list Real Simple made that suggests some rather ridiculous alternatives to the traditional wedding guestbook, I had to blog about it. I mean, the suggestions they came up with aren’t just anything but “real simple,” they’re real stupid. Like, rejected summer camp craft projects stupid. For example:


Anyone who wants to hang this up somewhere in his or her house is obviously not old enough to get married.


What did nature ever do to you to deserve this?


The instructions say to put them in a glass cylinder and display. And you know what looks even dumber than a bowl of shells as your home decor? A CYLINDER OF ROCKS.


“Hey, guests. You didn’t know our theme was Criminal Acticity? After fingerprinting you, we’re gonna wanna get a DNA sample. ENJOY THE FESTIVITIES!”

I mean, Jesus. Christ…

Those ideas are real, real bad.

Thankfully, not all the suggestions Real Simple made were that piss poor. There was one that was actually pretty cool. The mag suggested that instead of purchasing a special guestbook just for signatures, you can use a coffee-table book for free that you and your fiance both have a connection to (i.e., like if you love Iceland, you can use a book about Iceland). Your guests can then sign it like a yearbook.

Alas, though, I’m actually not sure if that’s a cool idea or not. How am I supposed to take any serious advice from a magazine that suggested I fingerprint our guests? Like, you know what looks good with your dress? Schmears of ink all over it. GAH.